A couple we are friendly with, J and W, had their first child in December. W spent her pregnancy lamenting and pontificating on her absolutely knowledge of being a pregnant woman. She changed OBs when her OB insisted she take the mandatory gestational diabetes test and her new OB took her word for it that her blood sugar was fine. After all, she had done her research on the Internet that said that the test wasn't necessary and could and should be skipped.
Their daughter, C, is two months old and they have pronounced that she is speaking all ready. Yes, C can say "Dad." She also ready for potty training. They are going to begin that directly. C is going to be the smartest, most beautiful little girl ever.
It would be funny in the 'look at the newbies' way if it wasn't for the fact they advertise their lives on social networking sites and in one of those minute update diary things. J and W have lamented the fact that they don't sleep because C wants to be awake every thirty minutes. That C will demand attention when they are trying to eat or get things done. And they are positive that they are the only parents in the world that have ever had this problem.
Of course, they haven't asked any of their other parent friends - including Husband and I - if any of their sleep deprivation is normal. Mostly because they don't want to hear 'get used to it' as an answer rather than sighing and saying that it will all get better soon. It's easier for them to stay in their microcosm than have to look out at other seasoned veterans of the wars and see that their are varying levels of how to deal with a newborn.
I wish it was just J and W who had this attitude but I seem to see it with every parent alive. I know we've been guilty of doing some of the first time parent comments. But we've learned from the mouthy Seasoned Parents that we have known/know to keep our mouths shut unless someone really wants to know our opinion. Newbie parents are sure they have the only child who doesn't sleep through the night/spoke their first word at one month/shown greater intellect than Einstein etc. We did not. We knew Boy wasn't the first kid who didn't believe in sleeping through the night. But we didn't know a whole lot of other parents who were struggling with three hours of sleep a night (my cousin's kids didn't sleep all night until they were in school which is just disheartening for me because I've got another two years for that to happen).
Behind their backs, friends are laughing at J and W who pontificate on how they will have baby C potty trained by her sixth month. They are watching carefully all her body language so that they can teach her to use the toilet rather than those filthy, germy diapers. This will cut back on their expenses on her so they can continue to eat out at Michael Mina or wherever they are pursuing the latest foodie fetish. (They proudly posted everywhere pictures of them lugging their baby bucket to French Laundry to show how C went to Thomas Keller's mothership before she was a month old) They better get used to eating at the local diner because potty training the way they want to do it is patient work and neither of them exhibit that talent.
New parents are amusing but they are a source of amusement for those of us who watch as they acquire that self satisfied and martyred tone in their world.
Good luck J and W.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Gossip girl
Since my life consists of chasing three year old Boy around and chauffeuring him to his various commitments, my life is pretty bland. I read gossip columns to make me laugh.
I just have to comment on the Brad/Angelina/Jennifer triangle that seems to be getting crazy out of hand of passing the buck on what happened. It all ends up that Brad left Jen for Angelina. End of story. How Brad spins it (that he just sort of had it happen over the course of the year that they filmed Mr and Mrs Smith which ended post Jen break up) or Angelina (that it happened during the filming of said movie and they waited until post divorce 'til they got busy) or Jen (it was all a huge shock to her that Brad wanted to leave her for Angelina) it still ends up that Brad and Angelina are living their lives together and Jen is dating John Mayer. This week.
In some ways, I was happier when NONE of them were saying a freakin' word about it. It let me believe in my own little reason that the marriage between Brad and Jen went south. But no. They had to all start this sordid vague reason to how it happened. Why doesn't it all just come out? Here is how I see it.
Brad and Jen got married with the best of intentions. They had a lot in common. They enjoyed each other's company. The staying at home and ordering in thing was probably a good thing considering how white hot they were in their careers at the time (her with Friends and he with his various movies like Ocean's 11). But you could kind of see things might have been less than optimal when you read about Brad's interest in landscape architecture and then, wanting to apprentice to Frank Gehry. Sorry, but I didn't see Jennifer Aniston being the type to want to read up on Bauhaus. Then when Friends ended, and you heard that she wanted to go out to the clubs but Brad didn't, you couldn't really blame her. She had been on that show for nearly a decade and then was shoe horning movies in her 'vacation' time. I couldn't blame the girl for wanting to go out and get some ya yas out. But, as she had said in previous interviews, Brad was a stay at home kind of guy.
As they both evolved, Brad started wanting to see the world in other ways. He started seeing the world as it is. Seeing the places that have some really nasty shit going down. Realising he had a position to Make A Difference and wanted to be involved in it. Like flying to Africa and meeting people to understand what the situation is. Meeting those in the know who could explain what is needed rectify the situation. And he was getting older and maybe, he was ready to start bringing a life into the world that he could mould to understand how to make things better.
Perhaps, Jen was at that point where she was ready to go full steam ahead in her career and play when she wasn't making movies. It wasn't time for her to be a Mom or fly off to Africa to meet with the impoverished. The whole architecture thing is one thing that Brad can do at home but this is different in a huge way.
So by the time he met Angelina, there probably was a schism between Jen and Brad even if Jen refuses to acknowledge it to the public or even herself. They had different designs in the world they were seeing. Maybe when they met, Jen had thought she would want to get pregnant and have kids sooner than later. But she changed her mind which happens.
There was the lush Angelina Jolie who was a single Mom with a trail of broken marriages behind her (once you're on your second divorce, it is a trail however short) and a trail of broken hearts. She is passionate about trying to save the world one child at a time. (A sort of new millenium Mia Farrow without the neurotic comic boyfriend.) Smokin' hot Brad Pitt with the emerging social conscience, meet formerly wild child Angelina Jolie with the UN approved social agenda. Can anyone not see this could get...volatile?
In some ways, after watching the Vogue magazine article sniping and evading accounts, I wish that all three of them would take the kid gloves off and stop protecting their images for a few hours to be honest. Even though they act as if they could run into each other on the red carpet and it wouldn't be awkward, they know it would be. Too much left unsaid. Too much said. They should all go to a hotel, be put on three different floors, to talk to three different journalists with a psychologist/psychiatrist sitting there about what happened. And I mean, really what happened. Jen needs to get past her America's Sweetheart facade long enough to say, yeah, I wasn't ready to give up Kerastace products to find out about the ills of the world. Brad needs to stop acting as if he had accidentally soul mate searched (when his soul mate couldn't stay in the same reality he was in) and say, you know, yeah, the whole Mother Earth thing with Angelina is great but she is really hot so how could I resist? And Angelina should just come right out with it and admit that Brad Pitt is really sexy and the whole wanting to save the world thing makes her a little damp in her thong.
Okay, sad as it is that I just wrote a blog about this, I have said my peace. Or piece. I hope all three of them get what they want out of their relationships.
I just have to comment on the Brad/Angelina/Jennifer triangle that seems to be getting crazy out of hand of passing the buck on what happened. It all ends up that Brad left Jen for Angelina. End of story. How Brad spins it (that he just sort of had it happen over the course of the year that they filmed Mr and Mrs Smith which ended post Jen break up) or Angelina (that it happened during the filming of said movie and they waited until post divorce 'til they got busy) or Jen (it was all a huge shock to her that Brad wanted to leave her for Angelina) it still ends up that Brad and Angelina are living their lives together and Jen is dating John Mayer. This week.
In some ways, I was happier when NONE of them were saying a freakin' word about it. It let me believe in my own little reason that the marriage between Brad and Jen went south. But no. They had to all start this sordid vague reason to how it happened. Why doesn't it all just come out? Here is how I see it.
Brad and Jen got married with the best of intentions. They had a lot in common. They enjoyed each other's company. The staying at home and ordering in thing was probably a good thing considering how white hot they were in their careers at the time (her with Friends and he with his various movies like Ocean's 11). But you could kind of see things might have been less than optimal when you read about Brad's interest in landscape architecture and then, wanting to apprentice to Frank Gehry. Sorry, but I didn't see Jennifer Aniston being the type to want to read up on Bauhaus. Then when Friends ended, and you heard that she wanted to go out to the clubs but Brad didn't, you couldn't really blame her. She had been on that show for nearly a decade and then was shoe horning movies in her 'vacation' time. I couldn't blame the girl for wanting to go out and get some ya yas out. But, as she had said in previous interviews, Brad was a stay at home kind of guy.
As they both evolved, Brad started wanting to see the world in other ways. He started seeing the world as it is. Seeing the places that have some really nasty shit going down. Realising he had a position to Make A Difference and wanted to be involved in it. Like flying to Africa and meeting people to understand what the situation is. Meeting those in the know who could explain what is needed rectify the situation. And he was getting older and maybe, he was ready to start bringing a life into the world that he could mould to understand how to make things better.
Perhaps, Jen was at that point where she was ready to go full steam ahead in her career and play when she wasn't making movies. It wasn't time for her to be a Mom or fly off to Africa to meet with the impoverished. The whole architecture thing is one thing that Brad can do at home but this is different in a huge way.
So by the time he met Angelina, there probably was a schism between Jen and Brad even if Jen refuses to acknowledge it to the public or even herself. They had different designs in the world they were seeing. Maybe when they met, Jen had thought she would want to get pregnant and have kids sooner than later. But she changed her mind which happens.
There was the lush Angelina Jolie who was a single Mom with a trail of broken marriages behind her (once you're on your second divorce, it is a trail however short) and a trail of broken hearts. She is passionate about trying to save the world one child at a time. (A sort of new millenium Mia Farrow without the neurotic comic boyfriend.) Smokin' hot Brad Pitt with the emerging social conscience, meet formerly wild child Angelina Jolie with the UN approved social agenda. Can anyone not see this could get...volatile?
In some ways, after watching the Vogue magazine article sniping and evading accounts, I wish that all three of them would take the kid gloves off and stop protecting their images for a few hours to be honest. Even though they act as if they could run into each other on the red carpet and it wouldn't be awkward, they know it would be. Too much left unsaid. Too much said. They should all go to a hotel, be put on three different floors, to talk to three different journalists with a psychologist/psychiatrist sitting there about what happened. And I mean, really what happened. Jen needs to get past her America's Sweetheart facade long enough to say, yeah, I wasn't ready to give up Kerastace products to find out about the ills of the world. Brad needs to stop acting as if he had accidentally soul mate searched (when his soul mate couldn't stay in the same reality he was in) and say, you know, yeah, the whole Mother Earth thing with Angelina is great but she is really hot so how could I resist? And Angelina should just come right out with it and admit that Brad Pitt is really sexy and the whole wanting to save the world thing makes her a little damp in her thong.
Okay, sad as it is that I just wrote a blog about this, I have said my peace. Or piece. I hope all three of them get what they want out of their relationships.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Give the man a chance before you hate him
Enough already.
I've received more emails from the Obama haters than I want to talk about. People are already doggin' him out and the man isn't even in office. Even one of my favourite gossip columnists took an email from someone who asked why Obama hasn't done more to help the American people since he was elected. The gossip columnist said simply we should maybe wait until he actually took office before we started judging him.
A lot of the same people who are sending me anti Obama email are the same people who kept saying that there were WMDs to be found in Iraq. Yeah, listen, I found a pretty big WMD last week in my son's training diapers and no one from the Bush administration came to visit us. It's amazing that the Barack Obama hadn't even been in DC yet to settle his girls down to school and people were ready to say he was going to fail because this whole financial failure of the automotive industry and the financial sector and everything else wouldn't be salvagable easily. And that for some reason, we who believe that Obama might be able to change the way things are now are naive and believe this will happen in six weeks.
Sure, the believers are naive. We want to believe in a president that doesn't seem to have ties to big oil. Who didn't weasel out of military service when he was young but was willing to start a war to finish what his Daddy started way back when and put our youngsters on the line for a war about...what was it again? Who doesn't have a VP who threw contracts at his former company to rebuild two countries but at a ridiculous expense. By the way, Afghanistan is all perfect right? We got them all settled and running well with jobs, education for all and land that they can grow their own food on, right? Oh yeah. No.
Barack Obama has a huge mountain he's facing. When he started campaigning two years ago, he was facing the fact that we were in an endless loop of the war in Iraq. "Mission not accomplished." Both Afghanistan and Iraq are countries in turmoil. They cannot get on their feet for various reasons whether it's insurgents who are fighting the infidels who want to destroy Islam or because you have a bunch of tribes or factions of Islam who think the other guy is out to destroy them. There is limited or no infrustructure in either country. And what we send in the form of Halliburton is not helping. It's like asking Paris Hilton to build a grid for a country's energy. You know you are asking an awful lot for a someone who wants more money than they deserve.
No, naysayers, we do NOT expect Barack Obama to make this boo boo all better in a month. Or two. As he was elected, the financial world in the US was melting faster than a snowman in Vegas in July. It went from being a five pound bag of shit to a 25 pound bag of shit in a few short weeks. The realization of what he is facing is obvious because you can see his hair is already getting the requisite Presidential Stress Grey. I think that the vast majority of us knew before Obama took the stage back in November to say that this would take not one but two terms to possibly get us back on our feet again that was the case.
And for those of ou who are snidely saying that 'someone' owns Obama, let me just say this: someone owns all of us. Or something. For the chain smoking racist who is sure that a black man cannot rule because he is owned by someone, I want to tell him that he is owned by the tobacco company because he cannot stop sucking on those cancer sticks (even though he claims tobacco does not give you cancer since he doesn't have it). For the white Christian senior who sends me those emails stating that the government will raise our taxes to pay for things since it's all Democrats, I have to ask you something: where the freak do you think the money is going to come from to pay for the billions that are being thrown at the auto makers and to the financial sector? (Same goes for those moaning here in Cali about how schools are getting screwed and how this and that are getting screwed - bend over and accept that new sales tax or having our property taxes go up a couple of percent.) Do you seriously think that the money fairy is going to come along and make it all better?
Give the man a year to get a feel for the reins. He's got a lot to do and it's going to take awhile. Stop saying he'll fail. You don't seriously think that the arm candy of the Budweiser heiress and his Fargo-esque running mate were going to make this all disappear overnight either do you?
I've received more emails from the Obama haters than I want to talk about. People are already doggin' him out and the man isn't even in office. Even one of my favourite gossip columnists took an email from someone who asked why Obama hasn't done more to help the American people since he was elected. The gossip columnist said simply we should maybe wait until he actually took office before we started judging him.
A lot of the same people who are sending me anti Obama email are the same people who kept saying that there were WMDs to be found in Iraq. Yeah, listen, I found a pretty big WMD last week in my son's training diapers and no one from the Bush administration came to visit us. It's amazing that the Barack Obama hadn't even been in DC yet to settle his girls down to school and people were ready to say he was going to fail because this whole financial failure of the automotive industry and the financial sector and everything else wouldn't be salvagable easily. And that for some reason, we who believe that Obama might be able to change the way things are now are naive and believe this will happen in six weeks.
Sure, the believers are naive. We want to believe in a president that doesn't seem to have ties to big oil. Who didn't weasel out of military service when he was young but was willing to start a war to finish what his Daddy started way back when and put our youngsters on the line for a war about...what was it again? Who doesn't have a VP who threw contracts at his former company to rebuild two countries but at a ridiculous expense. By the way, Afghanistan is all perfect right? We got them all settled and running well with jobs, education for all and land that they can grow their own food on, right? Oh yeah. No.
Barack Obama has a huge mountain he's facing. When he started campaigning two years ago, he was facing the fact that we were in an endless loop of the war in Iraq. "Mission not accomplished." Both Afghanistan and Iraq are countries in turmoil. They cannot get on their feet for various reasons whether it's insurgents who are fighting the infidels who want to destroy Islam or because you have a bunch of tribes or factions of Islam who think the other guy is out to destroy them. There is limited or no infrustructure in either country. And what we send in the form of Halliburton is not helping. It's like asking Paris Hilton to build a grid for a country's energy. You know you are asking an awful lot for a someone who wants more money than they deserve.
No, naysayers, we do NOT expect Barack Obama to make this boo boo all better in a month. Or two. As he was elected, the financial world in the US was melting faster than a snowman in Vegas in July. It went from being a five pound bag of shit to a 25 pound bag of shit in a few short weeks. The realization of what he is facing is obvious because you can see his hair is already getting the requisite Presidential Stress Grey. I think that the vast majority of us knew before Obama took the stage back in November to say that this would take not one but two terms to possibly get us back on our feet again that was the case.
And for those of ou who are snidely saying that 'someone' owns Obama, let me just say this: someone owns all of us. Or something. For the chain smoking racist who is sure that a black man cannot rule because he is owned by someone, I want to tell him that he is owned by the tobacco company because he cannot stop sucking on those cancer sticks (even though he claims tobacco does not give you cancer since he doesn't have it). For the white Christian senior who sends me those emails stating that the government will raise our taxes to pay for things since it's all Democrats, I have to ask you something: where the freak do you think the money is going to come from to pay for the billions that are being thrown at the auto makers and to the financial sector? (Same goes for those moaning here in Cali about how schools are getting screwed and how this and that are getting screwed - bend over and accept that new sales tax or having our property taxes go up a couple of percent.) Do you seriously think that the money fairy is going to come along and make it all better?
Give the man a year to get a feel for the reins. He's got a lot to do and it's going to take awhile. Stop saying he'll fail. You don't seriously think that the arm candy of the Budweiser heiress and his Fargo-esque running mate were going to make this all disappear overnight either do you?
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Why I'm going to the mall on Christmas Eve
Today, I'm going to Stanford Shopping Center. Not for Christmas shopping, because I'm kind of on the done side of that. No, I'm going because I need to be alone.
That sounds really weird I know. The mall, despite the rain, is going to be packed with last minute idiots who procrastinated because they think they can buy for 15 people and NO ONE is going to be at the mall.
Husband and a couple of other friends have said to me, "Do you know the mall is really full on Christmas Eve?" Despite the fact I worked in a mall for oh say five years, they don't realise that I am deeply aware of the fact that I'm exceptionally aware that the mall is packed on Christmas Eve. The fact is that I had to deal with drunken men showing up at four pm and saying they are starting Christmas shopping for their entire family (parents, in laws, children, wives etc) just then. I would tell them the mall closes at five and they'd laugh and say that the mall would stay open for them. And I would stay open for them. And I would say (since I was the lead on Christmas Eve which meant I was technically in charge), "Unless you plan to spend $5000 in my store, no I'm not." I'd get that indignant noise and a vague threat of telling my manager which I'd remind them that all of the employees of all the store actually want to go home and be with their families for some strange reason on Christmas Eve. We'd actually get a few assholes who were pissed off that we weren't open on Christmas Day because it inconvenienced them because they started their shopping at three pm on CE. Um, you had 11 months to plan this, what the fuck are you waiting for?
No, my Mom is here and she will take on Boy for a few hours so I can have time alone. I want to be where I don't have to make small talk or have to say "don't touch that" to Boy. Husband has to work so he's going to be indisposed until six. Even though Husband pointed out that last Saturday I had a pedicure so shouldn't that be considered time alone, I don't. Sitting in a chair while a polite Asian woman works on my feet asking questions she doesn't actually want the answer to isn't being alone. She would like me to ask her the same questions back so that she can increase the size of her tip. (If you think this is cynical, next time you go for a pedicure or a hair appointment even at the high end day spas around here, see what the conversation steers you to. In the end, you get a sob story from the facialist about how her grown daughter and her family are moving in with her because her husband lost his job. It is so she can get a bigger tip. The fact that maybe her son in law had a high paying job but they pissed most of it away on fabulous vacations and expensive cars instead of saving it for the down payment on the house they had on a variable rate mortgage that went through the freakin' roof doesn't come up.)
I just want to go away. Be around people without having to make a relationship with them even for an hour. Sure, there are a couple of things I need. I need hair care since my hair and scalp have put a massive veto on the cheap stuff I bought at Target. And there are a couple of things that I know Husband liked I got for him for his birthday that I would like to pick up for a stocking stuffer. The places I'm going to patronize aren't going to be packed with frantic faces desperate to impress someone (but on sale of course).
I want to eat a meal where I'm not trying to keep a small child from running around the restaurant. To read a magazine article or something off my iPod that relaxes me rather than stresses me. Drink my hot chocolate without having my arm yanked so it rains on my clothes.
Merry Christmas to me.
That sounds really weird I know. The mall, despite the rain, is going to be packed with last minute idiots who procrastinated because they think they can buy for 15 people and NO ONE is going to be at the mall.
Husband and a couple of other friends have said to me, "Do you know the mall is really full on Christmas Eve?" Despite the fact I worked in a mall for oh say five years, they don't realise that I am deeply aware of the fact that I'm exceptionally aware that the mall is packed on Christmas Eve. The fact is that I had to deal with drunken men showing up at four pm and saying they are starting Christmas shopping for their entire family (parents, in laws, children, wives etc) just then. I would tell them the mall closes at five and they'd laugh and say that the mall would stay open for them. And I would stay open for them. And I would say (since I was the lead on Christmas Eve which meant I was technically in charge), "Unless you plan to spend $5000 in my store, no I'm not." I'd get that indignant noise and a vague threat of telling my manager which I'd remind them that all of the employees of all the store actually want to go home and be with their families for some strange reason on Christmas Eve. We'd actually get a few assholes who were pissed off that we weren't open on Christmas Day because it inconvenienced them because they started their shopping at three pm on CE. Um, you had 11 months to plan this, what the fuck are you waiting for?
No, my Mom is here and she will take on Boy for a few hours so I can have time alone. I want to be where I don't have to make small talk or have to say "don't touch that" to Boy. Husband has to work so he's going to be indisposed until six. Even though Husband pointed out that last Saturday I had a pedicure so shouldn't that be considered time alone, I don't. Sitting in a chair while a polite Asian woman works on my feet asking questions she doesn't actually want the answer to isn't being alone. She would like me to ask her the same questions back so that she can increase the size of her tip. (If you think this is cynical, next time you go for a pedicure or a hair appointment even at the high end day spas around here, see what the conversation steers you to. In the end, you get a sob story from the facialist about how her grown daughter and her family are moving in with her because her husband lost his job. It is so she can get a bigger tip. The fact that maybe her son in law had a high paying job but they pissed most of it away on fabulous vacations and expensive cars instead of saving it for the down payment on the house they had on a variable rate mortgage that went through the freakin' roof doesn't come up.)
I just want to go away. Be around people without having to make a relationship with them even for an hour. Sure, there are a couple of things I need. I need hair care since my hair and scalp have put a massive veto on the cheap stuff I bought at Target. And there are a couple of things that I know Husband liked I got for him for his birthday that I would like to pick up for a stocking stuffer. The places I'm going to patronize aren't going to be packed with frantic faces desperate to impress someone (but on sale of course).
I want to eat a meal where I'm not trying to keep a small child from running around the restaurant. To read a magazine article or something off my iPod that relaxes me rather than stresses me. Drink my hot chocolate without having my arm yanked so it rains on my clothes.
Merry Christmas to me.
Friday, October 17, 2008
"Enjoy it now because the time is so short..." and other stupid things people say
I wish I could smack the next person who gives me that smile and says about having a three year old, "Enjoy the time you have with him because this time is just so short." Or my other 'favourite' which is "You should ignore the doctor and have another child." Really?
It happened yesterday while I was out shopping. The sales clerk - who had to be around my age or if she wasn't, really looked older than she should - and I were chatting while she was ringing me up. We both have three year olds and she was saying the line about enjoying this time with them and how she thought I should have another one. When I demurred, she said that she nearly died with her second son but decided to have the third one. And if that didn't stop her, why should I not have another one?
Politely, I told her that I would rather be relatively healthy with my one than extremely ill with two that I couldn't take care of. I didn't want to remind her that of course being a Mom was grand for her - she got to escape her kids for a few hours a day by working. It's easier to appreciate your kids when they aren't driving you nuts 24/7.
What I really want to tell these busybodies who mean well or just don't know when to back the fuck off the subject is...
Sure, tell me how to enjoy this time when I spend it cleaning up the last mess my son did while trying to kill himself. The water he sprayed all over the floor in the kitchen when he moved the chair in there so he could play with the attachment because I was busy trying to clean up the water on the floor in the bathroom that he poured in the floor while he was standing in the sink. Why was he in there? Because I was peeing in my bathroom. I know, how silly of me to leave him alone for two minutes but I hadn't peed in two hours and my bladder was going to burst. What a selfish thing to do.
Oh, and by the way, enjoying the time is great when you've had sleep but I haven't slept eight straight hours more than four times in three years. Don't tell me that I can sleep when he sleeps because when he finally goes down at night, it's the only time I have to get my house clean and put away all the toys that ended up under the couch. It's the only time I have to catch up on wrapping packages and writing out birthday cards to friends and family. It's the only time I have to talk to my husband and watch the three shows I DVR'd to save my sanity from endless Caillou, Dragon Tales, et al.
No, my son isn't ADD or ADHD or any of those alphabet soup things. He's a kid with far more energy than his middle aged Mother can handle. He's too curious about the world and I am constantly trying to keep ahead of him in a house that isn't built for a curious toddler. The locks are a joke so I'm constantly chasing him back into the house from the backyard with its dangers and trying to keep him out of the garage with the tools my husband has decided do not need to be put away. Short of locking him in a large dog kennel, I'm going to be a heartbeat away from wondering when he's going to really do damage to himself.
So, no, I'm not enjoying this that much. I do not want to do this again. At least, not without a buttload of cash for a nanny to do the chasing.
It happened yesterday while I was out shopping. The sales clerk - who had to be around my age or if she wasn't, really looked older than she should - and I were chatting while she was ringing me up. We both have three year olds and she was saying the line about enjoying this time with them and how she thought I should have another one. When I demurred, she said that she nearly died with her second son but decided to have the third one. And if that didn't stop her, why should I not have another one?
Politely, I told her that I would rather be relatively healthy with my one than extremely ill with two that I couldn't take care of. I didn't want to remind her that of course being a Mom was grand for her - she got to escape her kids for a few hours a day by working. It's easier to appreciate your kids when they aren't driving you nuts 24/7.
What I really want to tell these busybodies who mean well or just don't know when to back the fuck off the subject is...
Sure, tell me how to enjoy this time when I spend it cleaning up the last mess my son did while trying to kill himself. The water he sprayed all over the floor in the kitchen when he moved the chair in there so he could play with the attachment because I was busy trying to clean up the water on the floor in the bathroom that he poured in the floor while he was standing in the sink. Why was he in there? Because I was peeing in my bathroom. I know, how silly of me to leave him alone for two minutes but I hadn't peed in two hours and my bladder was going to burst. What a selfish thing to do.
Oh, and by the way, enjoying the time is great when you've had sleep but I haven't slept eight straight hours more than four times in three years. Don't tell me that I can sleep when he sleeps because when he finally goes down at night, it's the only time I have to get my house clean and put away all the toys that ended up under the couch. It's the only time I have to catch up on wrapping packages and writing out birthday cards to friends and family. It's the only time I have to talk to my husband and watch the three shows I DVR'd to save my sanity from endless Caillou, Dragon Tales, et al.
No, my son isn't ADD or ADHD or any of those alphabet soup things. He's a kid with far more energy than his middle aged Mother can handle. He's too curious about the world and I am constantly trying to keep ahead of him in a house that isn't built for a curious toddler. The locks are a joke so I'm constantly chasing him back into the house from the backyard with its dangers and trying to keep him out of the garage with the tools my husband has decided do not need to be put away. Short of locking him in a large dog kennel, I'm going to be a heartbeat away from wondering when he's going to really do damage to himself.
So, no, I'm not enjoying this that much. I do not want to do this again. At least, not without a buttload of cash for a nanny to do the chasing.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Getting beat up
Not in the physical sense but it feels an awful lot like it after awhile. Maybe that's what all those depression hurts ads mean.
The last two months have been a bitch. Between Husband and I going round and round about the money issue, Boy has been not adjusting to his new preschool as quickly as his school would like him to. They had us in about two weeks ago to discuss putting him into an evaluation with Stanford university to find out what his issues are. We know that Boy is a little behind his peer group when it comes to speaking. His vocabulary is behind other kids but it isn't something that actually worries me. Husband yes, me no. But we made the appointment knowing the insurance company covers almost bupkis of it.
The meeting with the psychiatrist wasn't as horrible as I would have thought. She is going to watch Boy at his preschool and then in two 2 hour sessions, evaluated him for a variety of things - IQ, fine and gross motor skills, etc. It will be more to pin point anything that might be amiss in his little head. Based on our just over an hour with her, she has some basic ideas of things that might be going on from what we've told her. She refuses to give us speculation because she wants to see Boy in action.
You can't help as a Mom to wonder what your part in your child's quirks is your doing. Was it the unpasturized brie I had in my second trimester? Did I not exercise too much or too little? Should I have forced him to sit through Baby Einstein though he kept looking at the vids and at me like I was on crack? What did I do wrong?
I've told a few friends what I'm going through and I've gotten pretty good support out of it. It's not like I want to advertise that Boy is being evaluated for possible defects. Even though we all know that if there is something miswired in a kid's head, there are some who will shy away from bringing their kid into your kid's circle lest they catch it. And there is something about having the unsolicited advice of those who feel they are the arbiters of all knowledge on child raising. Ugh.
So you can imagine how I felt bitch slapped by Hollie when she sent me a sharply worded email telling me that I needed to get Boy's hearing tested - that she has told me this a few times and why will I not listen to her? Right now, the last thing I need - and even she has acknowledged this in said email - is to be even more stressed out but there she goes. I politely told her we'd look into it in an email back. Let's just say there will be no return phone calls to Hollie for a few days because I'm just so very hurt by what she wrote.
Is she right? Sure. Boy probably should get a hearing test. Just to rule out the possibility that he's got some hearing issues. My ears are burned out from all the freakin' times I've listened to the Caillou theme song. He's listened to it even more than I have.
But what cheesed me is that she really didn't seem to read the email I sent closely. She seems to think that this is something the preschool is doing rather that an outside agency. That we are paying out of pocket $1500 that we don't have to find out if our son has Asperger's or an IQ of 190 or something. That it is through Stanford University which isn't exactly Beau's College of Yungins and Rubber Goods. I wanted to explain to her in longer sentences that Stanford University is sending a psychiatrist on staff with their childrens' center to the preschool to observe for an hour Boy doing what Boy does. Then we are going for one day over two weeks for two hour sessions to test Boy on various skills to eliminate things to figure out what is going on in Boy's little head.
Why didn't I? Because one, I hate confrontation and two, I'm too damned polite. And three, Hollie is stressed out by having just moved back in with her parents after living on her own for 18 years so she can finish her doctorate dissertation and holding down a part time job in her field that is really new to her. The last thing I want to do is piss her off when she's not thinking straight and lose my other best friend. I'm floundering enough in my life without the easy chat I once had with my other best friend but to lose this one would leave me even more adrift.
What would I have preferred? Just tell me that you're thinking good thoughts and to talk to the pediatrician about possible hearing tests. After I get all the test results back in three weeks from the psychiatrist, then bring up the whole why don't we eliminate the hearing issue thing again. It is really aggrevating to have to deal with this attack when I'm feeling fragile as it is. You want your friends to help but some times, you feel like all you get is needles thrown at you. Or darts. Or worse.
The last two months have been a bitch. Between Husband and I going round and round about the money issue, Boy has been not adjusting to his new preschool as quickly as his school would like him to. They had us in about two weeks ago to discuss putting him into an evaluation with Stanford university to find out what his issues are. We know that Boy is a little behind his peer group when it comes to speaking. His vocabulary is behind other kids but it isn't something that actually worries me. Husband yes, me no. But we made the appointment knowing the insurance company covers almost bupkis of it.
The meeting with the psychiatrist wasn't as horrible as I would have thought. She is going to watch Boy at his preschool and then in two 2 hour sessions, evaluated him for a variety of things - IQ, fine and gross motor skills, etc. It will be more to pin point anything that might be amiss in his little head. Based on our just over an hour with her, she has some basic ideas of things that might be going on from what we've told her. She refuses to give us speculation because she wants to see Boy in action.
You can't help as a Mom to wonder what your part in your child's quirks is your doing. Was it the unpasturized brie I had in my second trimester? Did I not exercise too much or too little? Should I have forced him to sit through Baby Einstein though he kept looking at the vids and at me like I was on crack? What did I do wrong?
I've told a few friends what I'm going through and I've gotten pretty good support out of it. It's not like I want to advertise that Boy is being evaluated for possible defects. Even though we all know that if there is something miswired in a kid's head, there are some who will shy away from bringing their kid into your kid's circle lest they catch it. And there is something about having the unsolicited advice of those who feel they are the arbiters of all knowledge on child raising. Ugh.
So you can imagine how I felt bitch slapped by Hollie when she sent me a sharply worded email telling me that I needed to get Boy's hearing tested - that she has told me this a few times and why will I not listen to her? Right now, the last thing I need - and even she has acknowledged this in said email - is to be even more stressed out but there she goes. I politely told her we'd look into it in an email back. Let's just say there will be no return phone calls to Hollie for a few days because I'm just so very hurt by what she wrote.
Is she right? Sure. Boy probably should get a hearing test. Just to rule out the possibility that he's got some hearing issues. My ears are burned out from all the freakin' times I've listened to the Caillou theme song. He's listened to it even more than I have.
But what cheesed me is that she really didn't seem to read the email I sent closely. She seems to think that this is something the preschool is doing rather that an outside agency. That we are paying out of pocket $1500 that we don't have to find out if our son has Asperger's or an IQ of 190 or something. That it is through Stanford University which isn't exactly Beau's College of Yungins and Rubber Goods. I wanted to explain to her in longer sentences that Stanford University is sending a psychiatrist on staff with their childrens' center to the preschool to observe for an hour Boy doing what Boy does. Then we are going for one day over two weeks for two hour sessions to test Boy on various skills to eliminate things to figure out what is going on in Boy's little head.
Why didn't I? Because one, I hate confrontation and two, I'm too damned polite. And three, Hollie is stressed out by having just moved back in with her parents after living on her own for 18 years so she can finish her doctorate dissertation and holding down a part time job in her field that is really new to her. The last thing I want to do is piss her off when she's not thinking straight and lose my other best friend. I'm floundering enough in my life without the easy chat I once had with my other best friend but to lose this one would leave me even more adrift.
What would I have preferred? Just tell me that you're thinking good thoughts and to talk to the pediatrician about possible hearing tests. After I get all the test results back in three weeks from the psychiatrist, then bring up the whole why don't we eliminate the hearing issue thing again. It is really aggrevating to have to deal with this attack when I'm feeling fragile as it is. You want your friends to help but some times, you feel like all you get is needles thrown at you. Or darts. Or worse.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Overwhelmed
I read a great article in Cookie magazine about a parent who talked about being overwhelmed by all the stuff the school threw at parents early in the year. Stuff like fund raising and volunteering for field trips before the kids could remember where they sat in class each day.
Boy started his new preschool this month and I found a couple broadsheets from Scholastic book services waiting. I remember those from when I was a kid and loved them. Boy I think is too young to get into them or care about them. I probably will order a couple of books for him to try to get into. There a couple of fund raisers in the offing that we'd been warned about so I'm just waiting for it all to begin.
A good friend sent me an email soliciting my purchases for his son's school. He emailed to apologize to me that it was being sent out on the first day of school and they were getting high pressure already to make sure that their child sold a lot. First prize is a weekend at a local resort that he said was marginal at best. He'd rather the money go back to the school. I bought two magazine subscriptions to magazines I buy at the grocery store anyhow.
It's not just school that seems to feel the need to pressure you to participate. I belong to a Mother's Club and there was a fundraiser this summer that they asked people to participate in. My plan was to drop off some things for it but I couldn't get Husband to buy in and help me with assembling everything so the event passed us by. I didn't volunteer to staff the event because we had plans for the weekend that precluded my actually being able to get involved.
Come Monday morning, an email went out that praised lavishly all that had been involved and a not-so-subtle slap at those of us who didn't do anything. How wonderful those who were willing to go out of their way to help with the fundraiser and how these are such terrific human beings (the allusion that those of us who might have other things going on was that we might be less than delightful people). The lovefest continued for a few days then faded like a red dress in the Mojave desert in July.
The Mother's Club has emails that go out a few times a week from various members about how they want donations to the charities they work for or with or how we should be buying tickets for dinner dances or raffles or plays that will benefit this or that. And some times, there is a follow up that chides us for not buying the $30, $45, $50 or more dollar ticket. Or sending that check in to help a family in dire straights during the holidays.
Coupled with the never ending phone calls from the charities that I some times feel were a mistake to give to in the first place that want me to help them during this dire crisis of the week it seems that the whole world is filled with beggars with their palms outstretched. Give, give, give. We need it more than you possibly can use it. The oceans are dying! Children in this impoverished nation will die if you don't help us! Education is suffering because of the Governator! Your son's favourite PBS shows will disappear because we are spending a fortune on anything but quality programming on PBS channels!
So where do we draw the line? Every time I have to answer to phone to silence it so it doesn't waken Boy in midnap, I'm confronted by a telemarketer who knows my name since I gave to the charity before who doesn't take my polite, no, I can't as an answer. I know their job is to tap me for as much as they can. And yes, I do feel bad when it's the beneviolent order of widows and children of fallen officers but it's hard to deal with when they say they are sending me stuff because they know I'll kick down $100 or $50 or $25 or $10 for the packet they send.
Economic times are hard all over the US. A good friend confided that her husband lost his job during a takeover and now they need to figure out how to survive on their savings until he finds work again. (Before someone says pithily that she should go back to work, some families have chosen that childcare be given to one member of the family and the other gets the joy of escaping their kid(s) for the joys of a job) We are economizing because Husband has decided we spend too much money (translated: I spend too much money on trivial things like food, Boy's clothes, things on sale that would make great gifts for people down the road etc but neglecting to remember how he spent $250 on some little thing that he played with once then put in the closet because it wasn't what he thought it would be. Again). My grand 'allowance' each week is roughly a quarter to a third of what I was spending before. Husband has said I should "think" about what I'm buying and whether we really need it. I felt like asking him if we really needed to get another tech gadget when he went to Fry's last weekend but I refrained. Instead, I simply withdrew a smaller amount of money than I would usually spend each week and that is all I will spend each week. When the money is gone, the money is gone.
It works pretty well. Husband has said I can use more if I need it and I've told him that with Boy's birthday party and his parents' visiting, I will need to extra money to buy his parents' favourite drinks and lunch items as well as the dinners that I will have to create for them. The cold fish stare followed by a comment that his parents didn't need the amount of drinks that I was buying since they didn't drink all that (Husband isn't home most of his parents' visit so he has no idea how much or how little his parents' consume) and did I really need to buy drinks for the party? Couldn't everyone just have water, juice and milk? What we have in the fridge?
The fact that we have nearly 25 people coming over with different needs makes it tough for me to get through to Husband that no, three of the kids are lactose intolerent and two of the kids can't have juice after noon and if we are having burgers and dogs, we should have have condiments and chips to go with them....
Money is an issue. So why do we have to be guilted into spending money on other people who don't have much either?
Boy started his new preschool this month and I found a couple broadsheets from Scholastic book services waiting. I remember those from when I was a kid and loved them. Boy I think is too young to get into them or care about them. I probably will order a couple of books for him to try to get into. There a couple of fund raisers in the offing that we'd been warned about so I'm just waiting for it all to begin.
A good friend sent me an email soliciting my purchases for his son's school. He emailed to apologize to me that it was being sent out on the first day of school and they were getting high pressure already to make sure that their child sold a lot. First prize is a weekend at a local resort that he said was marginal at best. He'd rather the money go back to the school. I bought two magazine subscriptions to magazines I buy at the grocery store anyhow.
It's not just school that seems to feel the need to pressure you to participate. I belong to a Mother's Club and there was a fundraiser this summer that they asked people to participate in. My plan was to drop off some things for it but I couldn't get Husband to buy in and help me with assembling everything so the event passed us by. I didn't volunteer to staff the event because we had plans for the weekend that precluded my actually being able to get involved.
Come Monday morning, an email went out that praised lavishly all that had been involved and a not-so-subtle slap at those of us who didn't do anything. How wonderful those who were willing to go out of their way to help with the fundraiser and how these are such terrific human beings (the allusion that those of us who might have other things going on was that we might be less than delightful people). The lovefest continued for a few days then faded like a red dress in the Mojave desert in July.
The Mother's Club has emails that go out a few times a week from various members about how they want donations to the charities they work for or with or how we should be buying tickets for dinner dances or raffles or plays that will benefit this or that. And some times, there is a follow up that chides us for not buying the $30, $45, $50 or more dollar ticket. Or sending that check in to help a family in dire straights during the holidays.
Coupled with the never ending phone calls from the charities that I some times feel were a mistake to give to in the first place that want me to help them during this dire crisis of the week it seems that the whole world is filled with beggars with their palms outstretched. Give, give, give. We need it more than you possibly can use it. The oceans are dying! Children in this impoverished nation will die if you don't help us! Education is suffering because of the Governator! Your son's favourite PBS shows will disappear because we are spending a fortune on anything but quality programming on PBS channels!
So where do we draw the line? Every time I have to answer to phone to silence it so it doesn't waken Boy in midnap, I'm confronted by a telemarketer who knows my name since I gave to the charity before who doesn't take my polite, no, I can't as an answer. I know their job is to tap me for as much as they can. And yes, I do feel bad when it's the beneviolent order of widows and children of fallen officers but it's hard to deal with when they say they are sending me stuff because they know I'll kick down $100 or $50 or $25 or $10 for the packet they send.
Economic times are hard all over the US. A good friend confided that her husband lost his job during a takeover and now they need to figure out how to survive on their savings until he finds work again. (Before someone says pithily that she should go back to work, some families have chosen that childcare be given to one member of the family and the other gets the joy of escaping their kid(s) for the joys of a job) We are economizing because Husband has decided we spend too much money (translated: I spend too much money on trivial things like food, Boy's clothes, things on sale that would make great gifts for people down the road etc but neglecting to remember how he spent $250 on some little thing that he played with once then put in the closet because it wasn't what he thought it would be. Again). My grand 'allowance' each week is roughly a quarter to a third of what I was spending before. Husband has said I should "think" about what I'm buying and whether we really need it. I felt like asking him if we really needed to get another tech gadget when he went to Fry's last weekend but I refrained. Instead, I simply withdrew a smaller amount of money than I would usually spend each week and that is all I will spend each week. When the money is gone, the money is gone.
It works pretty well. Husband has said I can use more if I need it and I've told him that with Boy's birthday party and his parents' visiting, I will need to extra money to buy his parents' favourite drinks and lunch items as well as the dinners that I will have to create for them. The cold fish stare followed by a comment that his parents didn't need the amount of drinks that I was buying since they didn't drink all that (Husband isn't home most of his parents' visit so he has no idea how much or how little his parents' consume) and did I really need to buy drinks for the party? Couldn't everyone just have water, juice and milk? What we have in the fridge?
The fact that we have nearly 25 people coming over with different needs makes it tough for me to get through to Husband that no, three of the kids are lactose intolerent and two of the kids can't have juice after noon and if we are having burgers and dogs, we should have have condiments and chips to go with them....
Money is an issue. So why do we have to be guilted into spending money on other people who don't have much either?
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