Working Mommy and Stay at Home Mommy

So the big debate about what is best seems to be whether working or staying at home benefits or hurts kids and/or women. Quite honestly, I think that it's a moot point. I think that whatever works for you and your family is what is best.
Besides, some times, there aren't any choices. More often than not, families need two incomes (or more) to be able to just survive. Especially here in the Bay Area. If you want to own a home, even a crappy little place in a crappy little area, it's generally about $500K (and we're talking about something that needs help). So Dad is working 40+ a week and so is Mom.
I was reading recently about how the culture of working Moms has this ripple effect. Working Mom hires a nanny who more than likely has a child or her own that will need to be staying with someone. I've seen the nannies that come to our playgym bring their kids on the days their kids aren't in school. It becomes a case of the nanny having to put their child's needs on the shelf while paying attention to their charges.
There has been so much press on the subject of working versus stay at home over the years. I've read about how by not being a working Mom, I'm somehow betraying the strides the generations ahead of me have made to give me the ability to work in white collar positions. Granted, I'm still not making the big bucks a man makes, but hey, I can still put in the 60 hours a week like he can for slightly less ducats. It seems that even if you manage to put in 60 hours a week at your white collar job, if you're a Mom, you're somehow going to take it in the backside because you're perceived as not being able to keep all your attentions on the job. Rarely do you ever hear about a guy having his focus questioned.
For us, being a stay at home Mom was sort of an easy choice. When Husband and I were dating, we had decided that when we decided to become parents, whoever was making the most money would continue to work and the other person would be the stay at home parent. At the time, we were both making good money at jobs that no longer exist. Husband and I both were downsized within a year of each other from the same company. He found a job that paid well before I did. In the years between becoming unemployed, I had jobs that underemployed me. Jobs where they paid me minor ducats but wanted me to put in 60 hours a week at odd hours. Getting a job at the career path I had been on wasn't an option - my position was considered for the most part to be a 'luxury' item for most companies. And I hadn't had the position for very long - a year. The position I had held before that I had put myself in the hands of outsourcing companies who told me that I was grossly underqualified for that job so they couldn't place me in that job (despite the fact that my former boss had vouched for my abilities).
Being a stay at home Mom hasn't been easy for me. I had been working since getting out of college at full time positions. My paychecks hadn't been great at first but at least the money was there for me to pay the bills (occasionally). I was used to having a fat checking account to be able to take care of myself - the basics and perks like an occasional spa treatment or buying some new clothes. Not having a couple of pennies to rub together of my own is difficult to adjust to.
Taking care of Boy isn't easy. He's full of energy and goes, goes, goes. The job is 24/7. I'm exhausted all the time because he doesn't sleep through the night and he definitely doesn't like being alone all night. So I spend part of my nights sleeping with Husband and part of my nights sleeping with Boy. Even when he's playing on his own, he wants me to be no further than a few feet away.
It's not all bon bon eating and soap operas. I'm trying to figure out a way to clean house, make dinner and even try to make something for me to eat for lunch. All while Boy gets annoyed that my time isn't all for him (like now - writing this is taking awhile because Boy wants me to lay with him while he drinks his juice, follow him while he rides his Disney riding toy etc). Even though every pediatrician and psychiatrist and expert says that I shouldn't let Boy watch television, I keep it on less that he's watching the Travel Channel's Samantha Brown in Hawaii but because he's distracted by the Geico ads long enough for me to load the dishwasher or cut up some vegetables for dinner. Some times during his naps, if I'm not too wiped out, I can actually get the bathroom clean. Well, clean-ish.
A working Mom has to contend with a childcare - picking up their child by a certain time every day or being home so that they can relieve the nanny. Then they have to deal with their child who wants all their attention while trying to figure out what to make for dinner (or where to send their spouse to pick up something). Then there is cleaning the house (if they don't have someone to do cleaning services), finding time with the spouse to reconnect and then, as always, the job probably needs a little more attention.
Let others debate who has it harder. Let others pretend they know what is best overall for each family and each child. In the end, no one can understand what is best for each child and each family but the Mommy who is in the situation.